2020 AF

Not that it needed to be announced, but I took a long sabbatical not only from writing for myself, but social media in general for the tail end of 2020. As I’m sure anyone who is still alive and coherent can tell you this year sucked ass. Like, a lot.

Lots of people don’t understand the appeal or need for a social media detox, or do so in different ways. I generally don’t announce I’m taking a break from it all, I just do it. Take a step back. Delete the apps from my phone and go about my life. I don’t really feel it’s ever necessary to preclude events like this, but everyone has their own methodology.

I also tend to unfriend/unfollow/mute lots of people over the course of the year, and regularly update my privacy settings every few months to ensure no one has access to my personal information unless needed. If you can see my email/phone number or any other personal details on my social media that means you’re in the golden circle of privilege. 😉 I purposely don’t use my real name on social media (ever) and have created a limited pseudonym on Facebook so random people can’t add me or lookup and view my information. Even for jobs. No access.

Privacy is important to my sanity for my online life. While I maintain several online social media accounts I think it’s important for boundaries to be laid out because so much can be blurred and misinterpreted online. Obviously.

Which is why I think it interesting that some rely on social media so heavily instead of learning how to keep in touch “the old fashioned way,” and pick up the phone, or dare I say even write a letter. Maybe I am becoming old-fashioned in my old(er) age. However, I’ve always cherished calling a friend up randomly, or sending a text, writing a personal letter, and just going out of my way sometimes toward people who have touched my life in a way that I appreciate.

I don’t have very many support systems that I can rely on for crazy things that might happen to myself or my husband and close family. I’m very heavily self-reliant and stubborn. While I may complain about something online randomly, I never expect people to go out of their way to offer help because soliciting for help is not my style. Very rarely will I even be the type of ask everyone online for a recommendation for anything unless I’m feeling really lazy to look it up for myself, or I trust the sources who might give me a listing to try out.

I don’t like to think I need other people to help resolve my own problems or issues, and most of the time I’m really just complaining and shouting out into the void and prefer the silence. Possibly a few kind words. I also heavily rely on my husband, maybe to my detriment. It takes a lot for me to trust someone, and once that trust is broken it is very delicate and unlikely to return.

The early years of my married life were very difficult for my husband and I because we had a lot of transitional life events happen suddenly. We moved and we both got new jobs. We moved again, and started career changes. We had multiple major deaths over the last 4 years on both sides of my family and his family, and some close friends. As of September 2020 we are married 7 years. Transition is the polite word for survival mode. As of January 2021 we will have been together almost 15 years total.

Only in the last few years have our lives really stabilized enough for me to feel like I can “trust” my writing again. I may have jotted a few things down in my analog journal, but always kept it brief because it was so hard for me to remember the stress we were under at the time. The thought of turning on my computer to write for my personal use felt stressful and made me feel unusually vulnerable.

Accurate depiction of my moods over the Summer.

2020 began with a bit a jolt to begin new things for myself and my possible future career. However, as with most things these past nine months, things changed and opportunities were limited. I was prepared for the worst in the beginning and basically worked through the worst of it in March thru June. As the year moved along things became more stressful (again) and it was hard to balance everything. Work, school, home life, family, any kind of social life i had carved out for myself and a few key friends/support groups that helped me get through most of it.

However, once school was around the corner to begin again in September I couldn’t handle it all. In August a close family member passed away unexpectedly. Earlier this year my mother-in-law was officially diagnosed with lung cancer as COVID-19 began to get serious, and she had surgery scheduled for late August. At this time I was also struggling with family, friends, and the general public (at work) in discussing the Black Lives Matter movement. Juggling a LOT on my mind. I took some space from family who couldn’t be trusted to respect my opinions on gun control and the other social issues at hand to focus on helping my mother-in-law and her recovery. Thankfully, she continues her treatment with chemotherapy which should be ending by the end of the year.

Keep in mind, I live in Southern California, so just as things were settling down with the family side of things school began to ramp up and that’s when the California fires started. The entire West Coast was ablaze for a few weeks. The air quality got so bad we hard trouble sleeping, walking the dog, and my mother-in-law (who is missing 1/4 of her original lung capacity) was also having issues.

New York Times photos of the daytime sky during the worst of the fires on the West Coast.

By October the fires diminished but I was having major health issues and stress induced shoulder pain which resulted in a frozen shoulder for over a week. I scrambled to make a massage appointment (which is very limited due to COVID-19) and miraculously made two appointments a few days apart to help with my shoulders. I also set up testing appointments for COVID-19 because getting two massages within a week of each, plus my work, creates a broken bubble of safety while we try to help out the family. I’ve been tested a few times over the last few months, with the first one being right before my mother-in-law had her surgery. The brightside was we got to go camping twice which helped us reset and get some time to relax and not feel overwhelmed by our regular lives back home.

November has been just as much of a roller coaster, but mostly due to infection rates going back up, and as of this week a limited closure of businesses and restaurants right before the holiday. While limited closures (no indoor/outdoor dining) were done over most of summer every time a holiday approached, they were not implemented over Halloween, which is why some people think infection rates went back up.

December is around the corner, along with my school finals. Another looming deadline for my school transition. Some good financial news is on the horizon for us due to my husbands job, and we may get to buy a new car. I especially feel it is necessary for me to try to get into a holiday spirit this year, but it has honestly been an uphill battle with myself. Work has been a struggle due to its own transitional space, inconsistent hours, and scheduling issues. Buying fashionable face masks has been one of the few things I’ve indulged in, besides my usual vices.

Life Goes On in 2016

The past year has been quite a roller coaster of emotions.

Last year we were informed that my sister-in-law had major surgery the week of Christmas. What was suppose to be a three hour surgery turned in to a marathon eight hour surgery.

The year before we were told my sister-in-law had cervical cancer. She was informed while she was pregnant and decided to go through with the pregnancy and had a beautiful baby girl. After the birth she began her radiation and chemotherapy treatments.

In January of 2016 we had a tumultuous New Year’s when our old car broke down on the freeway and we finally called in our family favor and got a new car thanks to my brother-in-law who works for a car dealership. It was his wife who was sick. We had hardly spoken to him or his wife about her illness. It wasn’t until we spoke with some of his colleagues that we were reassured that he had people who he could talk to about what he and their family were going through. We had always been concerned and attempted to talk to them both about what was going on with them but they were always very private and guarded.

I never blamed them for not wanting to talk to us about it. What did we know? How could we even begin to understand what they were going through? We don’t have children. They both have kids from previous relationships and new baby girl together. We lived in the city and they lived in the suburbs. We lived very different lives beyond those small things and it felt like this made the divide even wider. My sister-in-law and I were similar in some ways, but very different people and saw the world very differently. We were cordial to each other but not very close. My husband and his brothers were close, but the wives were a different story. We tried. We attempted. We just never seemed to find anything in common except for loving our husbands and our families.

My sister-in-law had always been a little vain. I remember the first time we met at a Mother’s Day brunch for my mother-in-law and she complained about the one grey hair she found and was trying to hide it. She was always well dressed for any occasion, whereas I had reused the same black dress for over a dozen family weddings. She always bought thoughtful gifts and we tried to figure who we could afford to get gifts for every Christmas. We may not have always gotten along but I respected her for always doing her best for her children and family and making my brother-in-law happy.

Then the news got worse. Multiple hospital visits. Emergency surgeries. Wheelchairs. Hair wraps and wigs. A colostomy bag.

She was in the hospital for almost a week when Mother’s Day came along. The entire family visited her in the hospital for the holiday. That was when I finally realized things were not going to get better. She could no longer walk on her own. She couldn’t hug or hold her daughter without assistance. I finally saw how much hair she had lost.

The day after she was released from the hospital we celebrated their daughter’s second birthday party at their home with immediate family. If things weren’t already heart breaking that was the day I wanted to scream. I don’t know how she did it but she walked. She stood in front of that birthday cake and had us sing “Happy Birthday” several times in a row. She must have been on a giant cocktail of drugs and had the iron will of a giant to push through all the pain she must have been experiencing and do everything she could for her daughter. We all realized this would be the last birthday party she would be able to attend for any or her children.

The rest of the summer we spent every spare minute visiting and bringing groceries for the family. Every weekend. Every summer holiday. We spent every moment with our family knowing that every moment counted. August was the hardest month. There were a few days when she wouldn’t wake up because she was in so much pain. The family gathered in vigil fearing the worst.

Then she suddenly had a burst of energy and was requesting her favorite foods. One day I came by after work bringing groceries that included artichokes. They were her favorite and she began to tell me how she made a dipping sauce for them. She asked if I could make them for her. I had never successfully made artichokes in my life. I did my best to not fuck it up. She called out to me while I was over and we talked about foods we both liked and how to cook them. It was the best conversation I’d ever had with her. When I got home I broke down in tears.

They had a hospice nurse helping them for a few weeks, but then the nurse said there was nothing else they could do to help and they stopped coming by. I was fearful of the kids being home alone should something happen. I started to go by the house everyday. Cleaning. Playing with the two year-old. Talking to the boys. Talking to her.

The day she passed away she was surrounded by family in her home. We got a phone call at  4 am that it happened. We rushed over to be with the family. We were all there when the coroners came to take her. We spent the next week together in mourning. Some preparing for the funeral. Others just coming to terms living in world without her.

After the funeral and after the reception we ended the night at their home with all of our family singing karaoke. That night my two year-old niece learned how to sing Prince’s “Purple Rain” all by herself. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen and the most heart breaking moment realizing her mother didn’t get to witness it. Some people mourn in silence. That evening we mourned singing together at the top of our lungs following my niece’s lead.

Singing. Loving. Making new memories. Reliving old memories.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I haven’t thought about her. Remembered her. My niece is the living embodiment of her mother. Her memory lives on in her.

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After the election these memories are even more important to me. Hearing how people are being treated and how words of hate are being used more and more against the people they are suppose to love makes it harder to stay silent.

Love each other. Cherish each other. This holiday season every memory counts.

 

Newsflash: I didn’t change my name when I got married, and I probably never will.

Hola from marriedville! Don’t tell any one, but it’s just like regular life except people (mainly family, some friends) seemed to be freaked about me keeping my name.

I know it’s been almost a year since I updated anything on here. Besides my laptop sucking and trying to plan parties, packing all of my belongings, working a couple of jobs, and moving, its safe to say I’ve been preoccupied. 🙂

So what’s the big deal? We’ll, I’m not sure. I have however found 3 reasons to help people cope with my choice.

1) It’s my name. I’m keeping it.

I am not saying my family name is special, BUT it is how I see myself. I had always planned on keeping my name, it wasn’t a a secret. I’m not upset if people call me Mrs. Awesome. I just let it slide. I love that my husbands family calls me Mrs. because they want to see me as part of the family. Not having the same name does NOT make me not family. I LOVE my husbands family and they are always going to ask, “When do you think you’ll change your last name?” And I love them for it.

He is my lover and best friend and I will love him no matter what. Having the same name doesn’t mean I love him more, and having a different name doesn’t mean I love him less.

2) I am still married even if our names are different.

A lot of people think I want to go by Miss or Ms because I kept my name therefore am not allowed to be called Mrs. I. Don’t. Care. I’m not a grammar- nazi like some friends, but I did try to use proper name listings on our wedding invitations for other peoples sake. Even if I did spell one of my bridesmaids name wrong…don’t judge me.

3) IF/When we have kid(s) they will still know I’m their Mother..

THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

I’m sure they’ll be fine. My husband’s family have a tradition of adding the mothers maiden name as a middle name or a second middle name. I think it’s a great way to trace family heritage and keep a connection to your next of kin and it can be listed on their birth certificate. Kids and adults hate hyphenated names, and this way they can choose which names they want to use in the future. Choice sounds beautiful doesn’t it?

Plus, legally changing your name is a LOT of work. For our future possible progeny it will be easier to pick a last name kids want, like they sometimes do when they chose to go by their middle name instead of their legal first name, or when they sometimes go by nicknames.

I love thinking about the options my hypothetical progeny will have when we discuses this possibility! I know it makes some people squirm and uncomfortable with my choices. Guess what? Don’t. Give. One. Fuck. It’s our life, and our choice to live it that way.

Go live your own life people!

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Now that I have that out of the way everyone can start asking me other silly married life questions. 🙂

Miracle’s Are Possible – #EricFest! #WeHeartEric

Check out the article I was interviewed for about our fundraising event for our friend Eric! It brought me to tears (of happiness) and has reassured all of us involved that Eric will get at least some of the help he needs to get back on his feet once he is out of the hospital.

4th Street Community Bands Together to Turn One Man’s Health Crisis into Hope.

Inspiration Moment

The end of September is upon us and we have hardly had the time to realize what an impact some people have had on our lives.

Shortly after returning from our Honeymoon we were informed that a local friend had fallen ill and was in the hospital. He had been sick when we saw him the day before our wedding and we gave him our love and a hug before we left town. Within a few days after seeing him in the hospital a small group of friends started planning ways to help him and his family with medical costs. What first was a small barbecue quickly became a collaborative effort of friends and local businesses pulling their resources and manpower to pitch in.

In just over a week we have received almost 100 people who have promised to donate, contribute, and most of all, help our friend Eric when he needs us the most. I’m excited and overwhelmed by the love and responses from people willing to come together and make our city feel like a small town.

My husband and I have lived, worked, and loved being part of Long Beach for almost 10 years. We haven’t known him as long as others, but I can’t imagine a life, or a world, without him in it.

Post-Wedding Post-Honeymoon Post-Drama

It’s been a while since I’ve made the time to sit down with my digital thoughts. Between working two jobs, planning our wedding, and honeymoon I tried to keep myself on schedule, and still make time for us to enjoy our lives. Which meant not being online, and hanging out with people, drinking, smoking, and most importantly living our lives together.

I’m not gonna lie, it was an emotional roller coaster dealing with family drama, and other people trying to impose their own definition of what our wedding meant to them. A lot of emotions come up; some that have been hidden for years, and others that you’re forced to answer because of the circumstances. I always knew our wedding wouldn’t make a few people happy for a million little reasons. I also knew that no matter what we would still be together whether or not the wedding happened according to our plans.

Turns out…everything was awesome! 😉

Our venue day-of contact, photographer, DJ, and our friends and family said it was a well oiled machine, and some even complimented us on how well organized all the decorations were kept. At one point, we were running ahead of schedule! That made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. One of my bridesmaids was so impressed she hired me to be her Day-Of Coordinator for her wedding at the end of October! AND my new Sister-in-Law would like my help planning her Baby Shower (free of course, for family)!!!

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One of my biggest fears was not being able to get back on my feet after the wedding and honeymoon. Now, I can’t even begin to say how excited I am to get back to work, start new adventures, and feel like I’m part of the world again. There were times when planning the wedding felt really isolating, and made it hard for people to relate (not everyone has to tackle a guest list and seating chart every week for over 2 months!). Luckily, I’ve had some practice from my previous line of work at a non-profit theatre company. I also had a few great friends and my Husband to thank for all their help and support over the last year and a half!

I just hope I can get back to hanging out with friends, playing board games, and eating burgers every week between all my new work. 🙂

Epic Journey: Musical Chairs

As any one who has had to plan a wedding of any size knows the first thing everyone freaks out about is the guest list. The cost, venue, or any other small number of things that can make you break out in hives. The guest list selection is one of the most humbling and nerve racking experiences every couple must face. It’s like a choice between cake or death* (see footnote).

When my fiance and I sat down and made a rough draft list it was daunting. We purposely had a long engagement so we could make a lot of decisions over time, and tried not to make snap decisions based on emotional knee jerk reactions. We both have large Catholic families…with lots of kids and other extended family. We had a hard time trying to figure out how to negotiate the scope of our list.

When we tell people how large our guest list is (only if they ask) their eyes get big. Then people begin to say, “Just elope!” Then we have to do a little dance and explanation of how that isn’t possible** (see below for short answer). Long answer: his family and our friends love to party and dance and they will make it feel like an awesome party. My personal reasons for not wanting, or ever imagining a large wedding, is due to my own family bringing drama to the table. Like our wedding favors, we had to adjust our settings every time we addressed the count of the guest list. Every few months the number and names changed, parents gave extended family members names, and we realized we left someone off the list by accident that we hadn’t seen in a while. Having a long engagement helped us deal with these small surprises over time.

Even after we made a final A and B guest list I had a few extra blank envelopes set aside just in case we had a few seats open up. Which they did, and not from friends or family we expected. Having a long engagement also opened up seats due to break-ups, travel arrangement issues for family and friends coming from out of town, and some life events in general. Sad to hear some are not able to attend, and happy I have the ability to strategically replace those empty seats with other people we love.

The dance of musical chairs has been an interesting aspect of wedding planning that I was afraid to tackle from the beginning. It was (literally) my worst nightmare. It is now over a year after our engagement and only two months away from the wedding. Planning and writing about this whole experience has been enlightening and an educational process. I would never wish this kind of societal torture on any of my friends, but maybe a few “frenemies.”

The latest development has been all the in-fighting happening in both our families. It’s gotten so dramatic we have a little over 3 tables worth of family, on both sides, who are requesting to be seated with their own group of people. To add to the complications I’ve also been instructed to seat them across the hall from each other for fear they will walk out and leave the reception. Drama.

I will say I am greatly disappointed to be given these types of requests and restrictions for what is suppose to be a day “about us,” and be made to feel like we’re the ones making it difficult for them to be able to attend in peace. You would think these “adults” would put their personal and petty feelings aside for one day to let us enjoy ourselves but I guess that was asking for too much.

*Eddie Izzard joke reference from Dressed to Kill

**Short Answer: His family and Mother would kill us.

Don’t forget to watch me freak out on twitter and pretend I can accomplish all my Pinterests!

Note of Worth

Things have gotten complicated. There are lots of things happening.

• Work
• Wedding
• Financial Issues
• Life Issues
• Worries

Which is why I haven’t been staying on task with my musings as much as I would like to. I’ve written have a dozen drafts and published none. I have an almost finished piece on my Bridal Shower but every time I go to finish it, or attempt to publish it, something else gets my attention and I am required to let it sit while I attend to my real world problems.

This blog/journal was an attempt to keep things positive and happy, and possibly introspective. I haven’t been feeling that way lately. We are at the 2 1/2 month mark from the wedding and I’m feeling…lots of things lately. I’ve been fairly productive with small projects, and our bathroom is under minor construction at the moment (FINALLY!), but that also means I have take a shower…for a few days. Yuck.

The most recent moment of note was watching Man of Steel with a group of some of my favorite people. That same day I got a sunburn, a sinus infection from the A/C at the movie theater, and mild food poisoning from the theater coffee as well. Yet, I still considered it the best day I had this past week.

FIRST EPIPHANY

I guess what I’m really trying to say is I feel lost. There are only a handful of people I feel comfortable talking to about some of the more serious issues going on in my life at the moment. I often get this ominous feeling of dread, or anxiety, at very stressful points in my life and not many people can handle being around me, or really want to help or be there for me. I’m a bit abrasive, on purpose or by accident from time to time. It’s one of my most charming traits. Just kidding. However, I still have feelings, and people tend to forget that. They feel they can treat me like what I want, or what I feel isn’t real because I’m just being “crazy” or lately the new nickname is “bridezilla.” That’s just rude.

SECOND EPIPHANY

I also recently realized that I’ve been trying SO hard to be considerate of everyone else all the time and have tried to not be a burden of everyone around me that I’ve walled myself up and just feel like I can no longer trust any of them by default.

When I say, “Wanna come with me to go shoe shopping and have a few drinks?” What I really want is just to spend time with you while being productive. “Wanna come over and play board games?” What I really want is to not talk about the wedding and just enjoy your company. “What’s going on with your wedding?” Cause I’m really tired of talking about mine. A lovely woman who I spoke to about my wedding with joy in my voice a few weeks ago asked me about my wedding the other day and all I could muster was an “Ugh” response. Then I felt horrible for even vocalizing it. It was during a work function and I didn’t want to be distracted, and I was a little stressed in that moment. I tried to be chat with her about other things to avoid having my grumpy side lash out at her by accident. She seemed receptive and the event went well without further ugliness.

THIRD EPIPHANY

I’ve tried so hard to keep my negative side in check for so long that I feel like I’m going to burst with crazy! What helped to deflate the volcanic eruption was a well deserved face-to-face lunch with my Best Friend and Maid of Honor. We get each others grumpy cat alter egos. We’ve had years of practice. We’ve both been on the receiving end of a verbal slap to the face from one another so that we can now help to burst that bubble before it has a chance to do more harm to any one else. However, at the end of yesterday I felt that sense of dread again. It wasn’t because my BF/MOH didn’t help, it was because it was more than just the little things that finally brought me down at the end of the day.

“Aren’t you excited for your big day? It’s coming up soon!” asked an Aunt at my Bridal Shower.

“Yeah, I guess. I’ll be excited when I have nothing else to do, and it’s finally here. And I’m on my honeymoon.” I responded.

It may not be what people want to hear, but it’s the honest truth. What I’d really like is to get back to my real life and have people ask me about that instead.

Watch me get CRAZY on Twitter, and pretend my problems don’t exist on Pinterest!

 

 

Epic Journey: Wedding Favors Edition

One the cutest things we came up with for our upcoming wedding was our favor. For a while I didn’t like the idea of doing one because I’m cheap and lazy. I also didn’t want Jordan almonds anywhere near my wedding. Of course, upon hearing this my Mother was immediately annoyed and bewildered by my taste. Let me get back to my point…

The thing that gave me inspiration for our wedding theme was finding one thing to fall in love with: our wedding favor. Before I fell in love with the idea of planning our wedding I fell in love with our favor idea. The idea and inspiration came from a Save the Date I found on the website Offbeat Bride. It was then we decided on custom designed coffee mugs with a slightly altered design from our Save the Date. It sounded perfect.

Of course, all things planned around a wedding are never perfect. At first, I had an acquaintance from my old job who volunteered to help with creating the custom mugs. Then I left that job and the friendly acquaintance soon stopped communicating with me. I had actually assumed early on that this individual wasn’t going to come through on their promise and wasn’t too disappointed when they started to ignore my calls and emails. C’est la vie.

We continued to get estimates for this lovely idea and were disappointed to find out it was WAY outside of our original budget. Sad face. I continued to scour the Internet for other possible vendors that might be a little more within our price range. No dice. Second sad face.

I began browsing Pinterest for some more inspiration and less expensive alternatives. I then found this photo of coffee cups with pretty ribbon and stickers.

Paper Coffee Cup Idea of Inspiration

This became my awesome backup idea! Red ribbon and sleeves on small paper coffee cups with a sticker or our altered Save the Date image. Brilliant! Except, we can’t use lids because they’ll be filled with chocolate covered coffee/espresso beans…and the sleeves in the photo are really hard to find…or doesn’t exist…because the original link for the image doesn’t exist any more..DAMMIT!

Back to the drawing board, and the World Wide Web.

I spent a few exhaustive days rummaging through Google trying to find something that spoke to me. I was coming up short in the mugs arena, so I stuck with the paper coffee cups idea, but was looking for something different. Then I found something that was right up my sleeve (coffee pun)! I came across a website by the name of Custom Cup Sleeves and they were not only in our price range but they also had a gallery of other custom coffee sleeves they created for other weddings. It was a dream come true!

Test image of how our Wedding Favor will look on the small 8 oz coffee cups. They’re SO CUTE!

After ALL the months of changes and budgeting and stress it was finally coming together. Trying to decide on what our wedding favor was going to be was a struggle. However, it wasn’t any different from deciding on any other item for our wedding. Our expectations were lowered, our budget changed, we made accommodations and tried to moderate our reactions. It was a big lesson in flexibility.

Nothing is going to go smoothly or be perfect. There are other options out there. Yes, it’s not what you pictured in your head right after he proposed, (I’m speaking hypothetically of course, cause I had NO plans on a big wedding) but that isn’t what’s really important. What’s important is that you like it, and LOVE the idea of still getting married to whoever is standing in front of you on the Big Day. I’m really grateful we found something that goes with the paper/book theme, AND has something to do with how we met (at a coffee shop).

We still have a few things to iron out and a few more months to go. Lets hope there aren’t any more kinks to work out. 😉

Check our favors featured on OffbeatBride!

Check me out on Pinterest and Twitter for more crazy rants about my wedding.

Epic Journey: 4 months and counting!

OMG.

As my lovely calendar keeps reminding me we have four months to go before the Big Day…and I am behind a few projects. Eeep!

I’ve been a little sick the past week, Bridal Shower preparations are underway, shopping for accessories, and trying to stay focused. Deep breaths. I’m working on a great post about our wedding favors, which are ADORABLE by the way. If the week goes well I should have it up by Friday. If not…I’ll definitely have it up by Monday, as usual. I also had a few friends over last night to help me out with a few wedding craft projects that I’ve been slacking off on doing myself. I try and try to plan craft nights and something always goes wrong, or conflicts arise and I end up not making the invite. I have found that by just talking to people about when they have free time and making a commitment right then and there has been far more effective in getting me off my ass to do stuff with friends, and wedding stuff.

My friends giving a helping hand with some decorations.

I’m doing my best to stay motivated and not get too bogged down by the stresses of last-minute preparations. Writing about everything as it happens helps give me perspective, laugh in retrospect, and gives me something to look forward to. Writing, journals, and blogging have always been my form of therapy (cause regular therapy is expensive!). I’ve had a journal almost my whole life. My friends and I were on LiveJournal all the time. Okay, mostly I was on there all the time. I’ve made a lot of friends through online forums, chat rooms, and other online communities and it’s always been inspirational to see how many of them I’ve kept in touch with over the years. Even if I’m writing to myself it doesn’t make a difference to me. I write because I want to, not for others, and definitely not to get others to like me more. I’m a little abrasive for some. 😉

Hope everyone is having a great week. I’m gonna try get over this nasty cold that’s taken my voice and made me sound like a 60 year-old chain smoker! Oh, and go see the new Star Trek: Into Darkness movie! 😉