Tag Archives: Long Beach

Miracle’s Are Possible – #EricFest! #WeHeartEric

Check out the article I was interviewed for about our fundraising event for our friend Eric! It brought me to tears (of happiness) and has reassured all of us involved that Eric will get at least some of the help he needs to get back on his feet once he is out of the hospital.

4th Street Community Bands Together to Turn One Man’s Health Crisis into Hope.

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Filed under Friends, Life

Inspiration Moment

The end of September is upon us and we have hardly had the time to realize what an impact some people have had on our lives.

Shortly after returning from our Honeymoon we were informed that a local friend had fallen ill and was in the hospital. He had been sick when we saw him the day before our wedding and we gave him our love and a hug before we left town. Within a few days after seeing him in the hospital a small group of friends started planning ways to help him and his family with medical costs. What first was a small barbecue quickly became a collaborative effort of friends and local businesses pulling their resources and manpower to pitch in.

In just over a week we have received almost 100 people who have promised to donate, contribute, and most of all, help our friend Eric when he needs us the most. I’m excited and overwhelmed by the love and responses from people willing to come together and make our city feel like a small town.

My husband and I have lived, worked, and loved being part of Long Beach for almost 10 years. We haven’t known him as long as others, but I can’t imagine a life, or a world, without him in it.

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Epic Journey: Defective Geeks Interlude

Hola!

I’ve been a bit…distracted this last week. Working on a piece for The Defective Geeks, in full wedding planning mode, and trying to work out some business on the side that will hopefully improve my financial prospects. Yay for productivity!

On the flip side, I haven’t had much time with my thoughts to keep the blog going. 😦

I’ve had some guest list drama, family drama, and honeymoon planning drama in just the last week. Bleh. I’ve been venting on the Offbeat Bride Tribe section so I can keep the drama to a minimum and not get people involved in my bullshit. 🙂

HOWEVER, the real reason for this post is to let my lovely followers and fellow bloggers know that last night I was excited to finally record and appear on the next Defective Geeks podcast!! YAY! {insert pic of me dancing up and down} The episode will be up on their website by tomorrow. We talk Vampires, Zombies, vampire fiction/literature, and life lessons while having a few drinks at one of my favorite local places Alex’s Bar.

My evil plans of taking over the podcast are starting to become revealed….MUAHAHAHAHA! *cough* I’m gonna go finish my writing and wedding planning now. 🙂

Until next week!

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Filed under awkward conversations, Life, rant, The Defective Geeks, Wedding

My Fandom and Long Beach Collide

One of the MANY scenes of him driving, but this one is a few blocks from my home!

It’s no secret I’m addicted, possibly in love, with watching TV shows on my fancy DVR at home in between procrastinating on my wedding planning. More recently I’ve become infatuated with spotting places filmed in my current home town of Long Beach, CA on Showtime’s Dexter and HBO’s True Blood.  I grew up in Los Angeles and watched film crews invade my old neighborhood from time to time, and I revel in it every single time! I use to work in Downtown Los Angeles during college and I would sneak out of the office to watch film crews and their trailers take over the vacant business district on the weekends, and try to spot a celebrity in between takes. This is why it’s so thrilling to recognize all those places I walk or drive by daily in a city I consider my second home, Long Beach. I annoy my fiancé and roommate all the time with my pointy finger wagging at the television saying where the scene was filmed in Los Angeles or Long Beach at least once a week.

Alcide is my current favorite character on True Blood…cause he’s handsome.

My longtime fan girl weakness is vampire fiction and movies, and at first I was not a fan of True Blood, but the show really sucked me in after a while (vampire pun!) and it’s a guilty pleasure of mine, even if I still hate Sookie Stackhouse (don’t hate me!). Every time I witness a scene from True Blood that takes place just outside Fangtasia (the show’s local vampire bar) all I see is a local drinking hole named Alex’s Bar. A promo for the show was filmed outside the bar and you see people are protesting Vampires with cardboard signs, then Jessica suddenly appears walking out of the bar and pushing her way right through the crowd seething in anger and all I can do while I watch this promo is talk at the television and say, “I use to drink at that bar! I puked 10 feet from that alley on my way home one night!” My friends and I use to live walking distance from Alex’s Bar while in college, and consider it one of our top 4 favorite Long Beach bars.  The other element of Alex’s Bar that makes me giddy is when I see it filmed, or copied,  is the decor of the bar. The entrance is slightly hidden from street view and once you enter from the small parking lot near an alley you see red walls from floor to ceiling, dim and red lighting, a shelf behind the bar with an array of alcohol choices, and wide open space. I fell in love with the bar because I loved the dark environment and bright red coloring (my favorite color!). Alex’s Bar has the mysterious vibe that I love and still cherish, with or without the Vampires. Just like the characters on True Blood I long to have a drink of my favorite poison, and brood in the corner while I complain about how much life sucks. 🙂 I prefer a vodka cranberry as my drink of choice, of course.

On the other spectrum Dexter is a lot harder to watch quietly with me in the room since I am constantly bombarded by scenes filmed near my house! There is always at least one scene where Dexter is on the phone, while driving, and he’s lying to someone about what he’s doing and where he’s going while cruising down Ocean Boulevard or somewhere near Naples and Belmont Shore. When they decide to show the Miami Metro Police station I notice it looks awfully like the condo buildings near the Marina and Naples. In a previous season Dexter is following a prospective target and follows them into a parking garage near the Long Beach Convention Center and I spent the entire 15 minute scene rewinding and fast forwarding pointing out all of the other local buildings I could recognize. I get a bit obsessive with my DVR features.  I’m not great at remembering an episode name or season, but I’ll always remember when a scene is filmed anywhere near recognizable landmarks in Long Beach or Downtown Los Angeles. I almost fainted with delight when I noticed the corner of Alamitos and Ocean Boulevard while Dexter was (of course!) driving by the neighborhood on his way to satisfy his “Dark Passenger.”

I relish the small moments of spotting local spots, but it also wears on my friends’ patience. Some people like to get lost in the fantasy of the TV shows, and to hear that Dexter isn’t filmed in Miami is a disappointment to some. They do show clips of the familiar streets of Miami and the skyline from time to time in the episodes, but secretly I’m talking to myself saying, “That’s just stock footage.” Just like in theatre, appearance is everything. I think it’s amazing that they’re able to smoothly transition scenes, blur the skyline in the background when Dexter is dumping bodies off the coast near Long Beach, crop scenes so you can’t see they’re chatting in Shoreline Village, and make sure the audience is totally focused on the plot line (or for some blood and skimpy clothing) and sold on the show in front of them. Growing up with Hollywood in my back yard has helped me appreciate how many magical moments in movies and television are filmed within arm’s reach of my home. Even if I wasn’t part of creating that moment I can at least take pride in how awesome it is where I live, and a place I like to call “Home.”

This post was brought to you by The Defective Geeks!

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The Fridge Story

A long long time ago…when we first got our house. There was an incident that will forever be known as The Fridge Story. I only decided to retell this story because I suddenly remembered it the other night and could not stop laughing, mostly because I still can’t even believe that it happened.

Part 1

In September of 2008 we moved into our new house, which was purchased by my boyfriends mother.

On a sunny Sunday afternoon, while I was home alone and my boyfriend was at work a chaotic incident happened. I was waiting for the cable guys to come by and check out why we suddenly couldn’t get service at our new home. As many know, my DVR is one of my vices. I was already upset because they were suppose to have installed it over a week ago. Suddenly, I hear a knock at the door and am greeted by a guy with a moving truck. “We’re here to deliver a refrigerator. Where do you want it?”

Um…what?

When we first viewed the house with his mother the previous owner of the house had mentioned he would be leaving behind the refrigerator because his new home already had a nicer one. Awesome. Free fridge. When we moved in the fridge was missing. His mother called our Realtor and asked what had happened. Our Realtor mentioned that the other Realtor who worked with the owner had taken it. Caught in an awkward position, our Realtor called the other woman and made arrangements to have the fridge returned.

Keep in mind, the whole time this transaction is taking place my boyfriend and I are not involved in the conversation to return this elusive item. Until I get a knock on the door.

I’m thrown off by his direct question which I only slightly understand. I’m suddenly opening the driveway gate and asking them to bring the fridge through the laundry room door. They then explain to me the door is too narrow. Fuck me. My boyfriend suddenly calls me back and I explain to him what’s happening, and then ask, “Did you know about this?” He of course does not know anything about this abrupt delivery. I ask him to call his mother when he has a break and ask a few questions. As I get off the phone with him and I’m then greeted by the cable guys who begin to tell me they don’t know what or why they’re there, or what their suppose to be looking for. Meet with a sense of pure frustration I tell the nice cable guy and his buddy-in-crime that they need to get on the phone and ask someone else what they need to be looking for. I explain this to him as politely as I can, while trying not to strangle him with my Sith mind powers.

Then I’m suddenly greeted by our former Realtor, who is very excited we’re getting the fridge returned to us, as promised. Okay…aren’t I happy? Excited? How am I doing? I explain to her the movers have said the fridge won’t fit through the laundry room door. They can just leave it here in the driveway and my boyfriend will deal with it when he gets home later. Meanwhile the cable guys are on the phone with headquarters pacing back and forth in front of the house. Just as the movers and Realtor are about to leave the other Realtor has appeared and is hugging me very happy to see me and the fridge.

I suddenly have this sense of dread…again, and realize that I’m still in my stay-home-and-watch-TV-all-day-pajamas. Fuck me. I explain to everyone the fridge is great, please don’t worry about it. It will remain where it is while I wait for my boyfriend to return home.

And then…the previous owner is walking up our driveway…”How the hell is this happening?” I ask myself.

The cable guys turn to me and say they’ve talked to everyone they could and now someone else will be coming out in another week to install/fix the cable problem. I give them the look of ‘”Thanks for nothing you can go now,” and return to my driveway/fridge problem.

Then, the previous owner of the house has suddenly appeared with everyone else, the two Realtors and two moving guys. And the fridge. He congratulates me on our new home as I awkwardly say my thanks while standing there with strangers in my pajamas in the middle of the day after having smoked a bowl and never bothered to shower. Our Realtor exclaims how the movers could have helped the previous owner when he moved, what a fortuitous meeting. He had such a hard time moving out, a single father, moving all that furniture with no help. His movers decided to never show up. You know, the guys from Home Depot. I stand there and cringe, and want to suddenly stab something, or someone, with a sharp object.

Then, the previous owner suddenly gives the golden advice that the movers could not figure out for themselves, “Oh, you can take the door off the hinges to make the door wider and get the fridge in. That’s what I did.” Everyone’s jaw drops. Then the movers ask if I have a screw driver they can use. Sharp object….

In no time at all the fridge is in the laundry room. There are five strangers in my laundry room. Still chatting. To each other. No one seems to realize I’m still there. Our Realtor suddenly turns and says, “Oh my goodness! You’ve really made this place in to a beautiful home,” while looking in another direction and not actually talking or looking at me.

They all start to walk past me towards the master bedroom and living room and before any of them manage to open any other doors I yell, and I put my hands up in the air. “Excuse me everyone!” They all stare at me like deers caught in someone’s headlights. “The fridge is inside. Thank you for your help. I’ve got a lot of stuff to do. So please exit through the driveway door. Your work here is done. Thank you.”

They begin to quietly shuffle outside and I lock the door behind me. The driveway gate and front door are still open and unlocked. As I usher them all down the driveway they continue to congratulate me and try to peer through the windows in the driveway. I close, and lock the gate behind me as they all walk away together, and then I walk back in to the house through the front door where it all began. I stand in the living room, alone again, and still shocked and confused as to how the hell this all happened.

I drag me feet and go look at the fridge. It has mold inside, and apparently hasn’t been cleaned sine it was emptied. And I wait for my boyfriend to get home. I begin to angrily wash the fridge.

Part 2

A week later, while I am home alone, again, I get a knock at the door. I think to myself, “We just moved here. I’m not expecting any one. Who could that be?” I look through the front door and see one of the movers from the previous week opening the gate to our driveway. I swing open the door and yell at him, “Excuse me! Can I help you?”

“Oh yeah, remember me? I helped bring your fridge here last week?”

“Yes, I know who you are. Why are you entering my driveway?”

“Oh, yeah…sorry. I was looking for our dolly. We left it here, last week, when we dropped off your fridge. Do you remember me? Is it here?”

“I remember the fridge, and you, but there is no dolly here. I’m gonna have to ask you to leave.”

“Oh really? I see how it is…after I do you and that guy a favor and bring this fridge here for free! I just wanna see if our dolly is here.”

“Look, there’s no dolly here. You need to leave, now. Or I’m gonna have to call the police because your trespassing, and you came here uninvited, and tried to get in to my driveway without permission. Please leave now.”

“After the favor I just did for you and that guy?! This is how it’s gonna be? I did that guy, your friend, a favor, and this is how I’m treated.”

“Look man, he’s not my friend. And I don’t know you. I just caught you trying to trespass on to my property uninvited. Now leave. I’m going to call the police any second if i don’t see you move. Please close my gate and get the I hell out of my house.’

He closes the gate, sliding his hand off the door handle and walked away grumbling to himself, in Spanish. I watch him from the patio window that looks out onto the street. He stands next to his car and calls someone on his cell phone. He talks to them in Spanish possibly thinking that I won’t understand him, and begins to complain to his friend on the phone and calls me a bitch and a liar. I yell out to him, “I told you to leave. I’m calling to cops as we speak. Get the hell out of here or I’ll have you arrested!” He peers up not realizing that I heard him, or understood what he was saying. Then he quickly gets in to his car and speeds off, afraid that the cops will show up any second.

I call my boyfriend, who is at work, and leave him a message telling him I caught this guy trying to break in to the house to look for his dolly. When he calls me back he is very upset to hear the mover tried to sneak past me because he thought no one was home. He says he’ll call me when he gets his break. We hang up.

Twenty minutes later, I get a second knock on the front door. This time it’s the previous owner’s Realtor. The nice woman who took the fridge and arranged for it’s delivery. I say hello, but never open or unlock the black gate-like front door (We have 2 front doors. One that leads in to the small brick patio that is black, and one that is wooden and leads to the to the living room at the front of the house.) She asks if I remember the movers who brought us our fridge, and that one of them called her upset, because he left his dolly at our house. I reply, “Yes, he was here earlier, and tried to break in to our home. So I’m going to tell you what I told him. You came here uninvited, asking about a dolly that I don’t have, if you don’t leave right now I’m going to call the police.”

Her jaw drops and she begins to yell at me. “Well, I never! How dare you speak to me like that! After all I’ve done for you and your family, this is how I’m treated?!”

I snap back, “I don’t know you! I never asked for this fridge back! You did none of us any favors, now please leave or I’ll call the police on you for trespassing. Never come back here uninvited!” I walk back to the living room upset and frustrated, but proud of myself for not letting her in to the house. I think to myself, “How the hell did all this happen?!”

I didn’t want the GOD DAMN FRIDGE! We were fine without it! We already had a fridge because the house didn’t have one when we moved in. Who the hell shows up uninvited, without so much as a friendly phone call, trying to trespass, in broad daylight to look for a dolly?!?! What. The. Fuck.

A few hours later, my boyfriend’s mother calls me. Concerned. She just got a phone call from our Realtor, who was upset. Apparently I yelled and cursed at her and wouldn’t let her look for this dolly the movers seemed to have left behind. Is this true? Did you really curse a this lady? What happened?

I politely tell her, “Yes, I’m sorry to inform you that I did, probably curse at someone. However, it wasn’t our Realtor. It was the previous owner’s Realtor. Who appeared after one of her mover friends tried to break in to our home and appeared uninvited to look for this dolly. So, I threatened to call the cops on him, he left upset, and then the other Realtor appeared asking for the dolly too. Uninvited, and wanted to come in to our home to look for it. I told her no, and said she was unwelcome in our home and should never come back. None of them would ever have showed up to your home, where you reside, and think they could waltz in to search for a dolly. I’m sorry, I couldn’t let them in.”

Luckily, my boyfriends mother was sympathetic to my anger. She was horrified someone would try to break in to look for a mere dolly, let alone, show up uninvited and practically demand entrance to look for the dolly. We talked for an hour and bonded over our horror and anger and then she politely excused herself and said she would never be talking to either of those women ever again.

Emotionally exhausted, I crashed on the couch and felt a small sense of relief. And smiled to myself.

All of those mother fuckers can go fuck themselves. That damn dolly is mine.

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Up Until Now

Tomorrow is my 30th birthday.

I don’t feel thirty. I hardly look thirty. Yet, I have a lot to be thankful for at my age: loving boyfriend, family, friends, a house, car, cat, and a fairly stable job (as much as one can have one working in the arts).

There are still a lot of things I haven’t done with my life: traveled out of the country, finished my bachelor’s degree , found a better and more stable job. These things may seem small in retrospect and I’ve done fairly well without finishing college, but in order to get further in my career I’ll have to eventually go back and finish what I started. Unfortunately, with only me working full-time I can’t afford to go back to school any time soon.

On another note…at the end of last year my boyfriend and I finally decided to plan and save to travel to Spain in November, using his mother’s time share. Luckily, she’s also offered to pay for his plane ticket so we’ll only have to save for mine, which is AMAZING! Now we don’t have to worry about saving for two plane tickets AND spending money. One more thing to check off the list of stuff to do this year.

This year started with such a shitty kick to the teeth that it’s hard to stay positive sometimes. It’s been hard to stay focused, relax, and not get bogged down by inconsequential things in life. For example, this evening before dinner I had a sudden urge to reorganize and move around furniture in my living room for my birthday party this weekend. Why? Because some how in the back of my mind changing hunks of furniture makes me feel like I have some sort of control over the things in my life. I have rearranged furniture in this living room several times.

Organizing, cleaning, planning, managing; it’s how I cope for all the things that have happened in my life that I can’t control. Usually smoking helps me cope with these anxieties, but lately I haven’t been partaking in any vices since my friend’s death. No coffee, no alcohol, no smoking, no sugars (Update: had a cup of coffee for breakfast and it was totally worth it! A birthday donut from my co-worker, also amazing. I’ll start abstaining again on Sunday… Maybe…) Mostly due to being sick and not wanting to press my luck, but also because I wanted to see if I could. I will probably pick up smoking again since it helps alleviate my migraines and neck/shoulder tension. Trust me, smoking has helped me tremendously in handling my stress levels. I’ve always hated taking too many pills to help stop the pain, and most prescribed medicine for either has never helped me long-term like smoking has. While I was still in college I had carpal tunnel in both hands from going to school full-time, working part-time, doing theatre work on nights and weekends,and in between working at my college newspaper, and commuting from East LA. Popping pills like crazy and trying to eat healthy was just not happening. Smoking was the only thing that kept me from doubling over in pain everyday. I, of course, over extended myself, but I’ve always wedged as much as I could in to my schedule because I never wanted to miss a moment. I don’t do that any more.

Now I’m too old (at least feel too old) to go clubbing, stay up past 2am, and go to a different bar every weekend. Nowadays I prefer to have friends over for dinner, throw potluck parties at the house, have brunch with friends, host craft nights, and spend quality time with my family when I have time off from work. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, but mostly I feel like I’m too tired to please everyone. I have a hard enough time pleasing myself and living up to my own expectations.

Look bitches, just give a girl a call for her birthday, or swing by the house for my party this Saturday and all will be well.

Love moi. ❤

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In Honor of a Good Friend

2011 has started with a big slap to my face.

Besides the usual financial and car trouble I usually have this past weekend I was shocked to find out an old (very old) friend of mine died. Her name was Lisa. To write a small tribute doesn’t do her justice. She was vivacious, loud, positive, aggressive, and sometimes (with love) violent. She loved to bite the ones she loved (a trait I picked up from her), and we all took her love willingly. I was in shock when I first heard the news while I was at home. I didn’t want to believe what they were telling me, and I was in denial for a while until I got a second phone call from another friend confirming the news. I won’t go in to details about her death since it is still very painful for all of us to discuss it, and we want to respect the families wishes and not fuel the flames of idle gossip.

I met Lisa while I was in college at CSULB. I had already been working at my college newspaper, and some mutual friends wanted to check out the new Anime Club on campus. I was a bit nervous at first, because I secretly didn’t want to be outed as an Otaku. Then my friends told me it was tons of fun and I should come with them, just once, and see how I liked it. On my first visit to Anime Club I met a group of friends, now dubbed the LB Crew. From that first day onward all of us were inseparable. We did everything together. We had lunch, went shopping, went to the movies, watched anime, played video games, you name it we did, together!

We spent so much time together we all memorized each others school schedules so we knew who was available for lunch dates or movie outings. Our friend Ryan was the only one of us who didn’t live at home at the time and had an apartment in Long Beach not too far from campus. Thus began the LB Crews unofficial home base. Didn’t matter if Ryan was working or in school, we were at his home. Cooking, cleaning, planning, and having fun. We had marathons of Puzzle Fighter, Tetris, and Bust-A-Move instead of doing homework. We had our own Sushi and Prom themed parties where everyone did shots and took pictures with one another. We even helped pack all of Ryan’s things when he had to move out of his apartment! Everyone was there placing things in boxes while he was at work. By then it was Ryan, Shaun, and Lisa who decided to move in together in to another apartment in Long Beach. Her mother was NOT happy about her only daughter moving away from her parents, and we all knew how protective her mother was. She would warn us of her mothers wrath, but we all knew she loved both her parents. She was dedicated to her family and visited them every weekend, no matter what. She never talked about her father much, but some of us knew he was around and that she had two loving parents.

I was still living at home in ELA at the time they moved in together, but it didn’t take long before we were all meeting up at their place again. It was like a second home, a family of friends. We spent almost everyday, every weekend, every birthday together. It all seems like a blur of good times trying to remember all the silly things we did together. Lisa and I began to get closer, gossiping, chatting about our boy problems and trying to figure out our goals in life. I have one vivid memory of us walking to our respective classes together when she was lamenting some problems she was having with her boyfriend at the time, and I told her they would get through it together. I knew how much she loved him, and how much he loved her, and told her how sad I would be to see them breakup. I confided in her that she was one of my best friends and I wanted only the best for her, and I would support her no matter what. She seemed surprised by the revelation, but I meant every word.

I told her everything. As did a LOT of people. She loved to be there for people and listen to their problems. Lisa always had nice and positive things to say, and she never looked back, and encouraged all of us to do better. She was feisty and never held back her opinions on anything, and she had strong opinions on a lot of things. She loved fashion, design work, art, movies, and in my opinion, helped pen the term “Fashionista.” She used this term a lot before I heard it used any where else. Lisa lived with Ryan and Shaun for quite some time before she ventured out on her own and found another apartment two blocks away from the boys. At the time she planned to move in to the new apartment was also when she began to gain popularity with a group of online friends penned Otaku Booty. I was part of this online community for a little while, but Lisa and our other friends were all very popular on the site. Thus began her venture as an online socialite. She was amazing. She knew everyone, and I do mean everyone! Lisa was a multi-tasker. She could have five instant messaging conversations happening, two work projects going, and STILL keep talking to the person in the room with her. Lisa made friends easily, and began to help organize events which led us to gain more friends. They were dubbed (to us at least) the San Diego friends. Lisa never hesitated to visit our SD friends and would drive all over Southern California for all kinds of people she knew. From this online group of friends we made we all began to gather together (in real life) at parties and events where everyone was invited. And our circle of friends grew…

When Lisa found her new apartment one my other best friends named Melody also moved in with her, as well a friend she had made online named Umair, and unknown to her parents her boyfriend, at the time, Saul. The four of them made the place lively and comfortable. Lisa was always mad at Melody for saying they were roommates, not friends. I had brought Melody into the group of friends, by force, and she was immediately welcomed with open arms. I had also become closer to another friend from OB, who happened to be living close by in Long Beach, his name is Julian. With Lisa being busy with work and school, I began to get closer to Julian and Umair. I was also in the middle of a horrible breakup with a boyfriend, and needed to be around people and out of my house. I had already moved out of my parents house by then (a long side story on that later), and lived in Long Beach as well, a few blocks from everyone else. Lisa and I began to grow apart because we were both busy with school, life, and other diversions. I got closer and closer to Umair and Julian.

Then Julian moved to Seattle to live with a cousin and seek better job prospects, and shortly after his move all of us began to split apart.

Lisa loved being the center of attention, and since she was busy with school she began to get jealous that her housemates were hanging out with me, at her home, a lot. Now, in retrospect, I was there too much. However, I wasn’t working a lot, or in school, since I had run out of financial aid and couldn’t afford to attend college any more. I was also going through a rough time with my boyfriend at the time. Life sucked. So it hurt when suddenly Lisa banned me from the house. I knew it was bound to happen eventually, but it felt like I was banished from my second home. I tried to stay away, and not fuel the fire, but I couldn’t keep myself away from them for too long. I loved them. All of them. And especially Lisa. Even though I knew she was mad at me I couldn’t stay away. She was like a drug I couldn’t be without, and when I was away I felt alone and confused and didn’t know what do to with myself.

My friends were like my family.

Shortly after she had a falling out with Umair when he moved out, Lisa and I started to clash. Our spitfire personalities didn’t allow us to take a moment and realize what we were doing to each other. Some harsh words were written, exchanged, and passed along to others until finally we were no longer on speaking terms.

I was alone. Lost without my friends, and without my confidant. Sure, Melody is my best friend, but Lisa was there, everyday, up until we stopped talking. It was the beginning of the end.

I kept my distance because I didn’t want to cross paths with her wrath, our friends kept us separated because they didn’t want to take sides or see us fight. In the end what really kept us apart was our stubbornness and pride. I regret not sucking it up and confronting her with our issues so we could move on as friends. I regret not being there for her when Saul and her broke up. I regret not seeing her graduate from college. I mostly regret not being there for the last birthday she celebrated without me.

Over the last two years I started to reconnect with my old college friends and LB Crew, and every time we got together I felt she should be there as well. I even had thoughts of reaching out to her in hopes of having her at my 30th birthday party next month, and now she’ll never get to celebrate her own 30th birthday.

These past few days have been hard on us all. Each of us is coping in their own way. I will always miss and love Lisa no matter what, and I hope I can live my life to the fullest like she would have done. She never looked back and worked her hardest to be the best, and I hope I can do the same in her honor.

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