Newsflash: I didn’t change my name when I got married, and I probably never will.

Hola from marriedville! Don’t tell any one, but it’s just like regular life except people (mainly family, some friends) seemed to be freaked about me keeping my name.

I know it’s been almost a year since I updated anything on here. Besides my laptop sucking and trying to plan parties, packing all of my belongings, working a couple of jobs, and moving, its safe to say I’ve been preoccupied. 🙂

So what’s the big deal? We’ll, I’m not sure. I have however found 3 reasons to help people cope with my choice.

1) It’s my name. I’m keeping it.

I am not saying my family name is special, BUT it is how I see myself. I had always planned on keeping my name, it wasn’t a a secret. I’m not upset if people call me Mrs. Awesome. I just let it slide. I love that my husbands family calls me Mrs. because they want to see me as part of the family. Not having the same name does NOT make me not family. I LOVE my husbands family and they are always going to ask, “When do you think you’ll change your last name?” And I love them for it.

He is my lover and best friend and I will love him no matter what. Having the same name doesn’t mean I love him more, and having a different name doesn’t mean I love him less.

2) I am still married even if our names are different.

A lot of people think I want to go by Miss or Ms because I kept my name therefore am not allowed to be called Mrs. I. Don’t. Care. I’m not a grammar- nazi like some friends, but I did try to use proper name listings on our wedding invitations for other peoples sake. Even if I did spell one of my bridesmaids name wrong…don’t judge me.

3) IF/When we have kid(s) they will still know I’m their Mother..

THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

I’m sure they’ll be fine. My husband’s family have a tradition of adding the mothers maiden name as a middle name or a second middle name. I think it’s a great way to trace family heritage and keep a connection to your next of kin and it can be listed on their birth certificate. Kids and adults hate hyphenated names, and this way they can choose which names they want to use in the future. Choice sounds beautiful doesn’t it?

Plus, legally changing your name is a LOT of work. For our future possible progeny it will be easier to pick a last name kids want, like they sometimes do when they chose to go by their middle name instead of their legal first name, or when they sometimes go by nicknames.

I love thinking about the options my hypothetical progeny will have when we discuses this possibility! I know it makes some people squirm and uncomfortable with my choices. Guess what? Don’t. Give. One. Fuck. It’s our life, and our choice to live it that way.

Go live your own life people!

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Now that I have that out of the way everyone can start asking me other silly married life questions. 🙂

Post-Wedding Post-Honeymoon Post-Drama

It’s been a while since I’ve made the time to sit down with my digital thoughts. Between working two jobs, planning our wedding, and honeymoon I tried to keep myself on schedule, and still make time for us to enjoy our lives. Which meant not being online, and hanging out with people, drinking, smoking, and most importantly living our lives together.

I’m not gonna lie, it was an emotional roller coaster dealing with family drama, and other people trying to impose their own definition of what our wedding meant to them. A lot of emotions come up; some that have been hidden for years, and others that you’re forced to answer because of the circumstances. I always knew our wedding wouldn’t make a few people happy for a million little reasons. I also knew that no matter what we would still be together whether or not the wedding happened according to our plans.

Turns out…everything was awesome! 😉

Our venue day-of contact, photographer, DJ, and our friends and family said it was a well oiled machine, and some even complimented us on how well organized all the decorations were kept. At one point, we were running ahead of schedule! That made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. One of my bridesmaids was so impressed she hired me to be her Day-Of Coordinator for her wedding at the end of October! AND my new Sister-in-Law would like my help planning her Baby Shower (free of course, for family)!!!

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One of my biggest fears was not being able to get back on my feet after the wedding and honeymoon. Now, I can’t even begin to say how excited I am to get back to work, start new adventures, and feel like I’m part of the world again. There were times when planning the wedding felt really isolating, and made it hard for people to relate (not everyone has to tackle a guest list and seating chart every week for over 2 months!). Luckily, I’ve had some practice from my previous line of work at a non-profit theatre company. I also had a few great friends and my Husband to thank for all their help and support over the last year and a half!

I just hope I can get back to hanging out with friends, playing board games, and eating burgers every week between all my new work. 🙂

Epic Journey: 4 months and counting!

OMG.

As my lovely calendar keeps reminding me we have four months to go before the Big Day…and I am behind a few projects. Eeep!

I’ve been a little sick the past week, Bridal Shower preparations are underway, shopping for accessories, and trying to stay focused. Deep breaths. I’m working on a great post about our wedding favors, which are ADORABLE by the way. If the week goes well I should have it up by Friday. If not…I’ll definitely have it up by Monday, as usual. I also had a few friends over last night to help me out with a few wedding craft projects that I’ve been slacking off on doing myself. I try and try to plan craft nights and something always goes wrong, or conflicts arise and I end up not making the invite. I have found that by just talking to people about when they have free time and making a commitment right then and there has been far more effective in getting me off my ass to do stuff with friends, and wedding stuff.

My friends giving a helping hand with some decorations.

I’m doing my best to stay motivated and not get too bogged down by the stresses of last-minute preparations. Writing about everything as it happens helps give me perspective, laugh in retrospect, and gives me something to look forward to. Writing, journals, and blogging have always been my form of therapy (cause regular therapy is expensive!). I’ve had a journal almost my whole life. My friends and I were on LiveJournal all the time. Okay, mostly I was on there all the time. I’ve made a lot of friends through online forums, chat rooms, and other online communities and it’s always been inspirational to see how many of them I’ve kept in touch with over the years. Even if I’m writing to myself it doesn’t make a difference to me. I write because I want to, not for others, and definitely not to get others to like me more. I’m a little abrasive for some. 😉

Hope everyone is having a great week. I’m gonna try get over this nasty cold that’s taken my voice and made me sound like a 60 year-old chain smoker! Oh, and go see the new Star Trek: Into Darkness movie! 😉

Epic Journey: Bachlorette Conundrum

I’m stuck with a quandary that I can’t seem to shake.

When I started researching, buying books (yes, I still buy paper books), visiting venues,  and getting my head wrapped around this whole Epic Journey of planning our wedding I tried very hard to convince myself I didn’t need to do all the traditional wedding stuff to feel happy. We have made a few adjustments to a lot of our original ideas and as we get closer and closer to the Big Day I have one underlying feeling growing inside me.

A few months ago I attended my first birthday party at a Strip Club, with male strippers for the record. I have been to a female strip club in the past, but that story is for another time. I attended with a small group of friends, some new, some old, and got all gussied up for a night on the town and opportunity to tuck some dollar bills into a greasy guys thong. It. Was. Amazing. Mostly due to the strippers rubbing themselves all over my friends and steering clear of my nice clothes. I was busy taking pictures and used my iPhone as a shield against their greasy thrusts. It was hilarious. It was a nice lesson. A fun moment in time. I also appreciate the experience of attending an event such as this for someone else on their special and fun night. I now know I never want someone to get a stripper for my birthday, or any other event in my life. It’s a lot more fun to see it from the outside, watching it unfold before your very eyes…and laugh, and have fun with it.

Trying to stay under the radar after a stressful week of wedding shenanigans.

I will admit, I’ve never been a bridesmaid, I haven’t been to many bridal showers, and only one bachelorette party in my life. I’m not quite sure what I want, or what to expect out of a party of this kind…for myself. If you’d asked me a few months ago I would have made simple requests: a spa weekend, a night of light drinking, combined with maybe watching crappy movies and lots of girl talk. However…the closer and closer it gets to the end of this Epic Journey the more I want to go all out and party like it’s my last day on earth. Maybe it’s the stress of planning the wedding. Maybe it’s because I didn’t get to do much for my birthday this year. Maybe I’ve just lost my mind and I think drinking copious amounts of alcohol will bring my equilibrium back. Who knows. All I do know at this point is that I want to, no need to, get silly and drunk. Possibly double the amount of silly and drunk.

Am I the only person this has happened to? Am I losing my mind? I feel weird about the expectations for this kind of event, and instead am having a weird knee jerk reaction. I’m not sure if I’m excited, terrified, or ambivalent to the whole experience. At this point, I just wanna drink. A lot. While trying not to vomit on myself. And maybe not end up in jail for beating someone up. Just sayin’.

Maybe I need to try to do more everyday things, and try not to lose touch with my everyday life while this Epic Journey gets closer to consuming my life. Silver linings. Deep breath.

Photographic evidence that I’m trying to stay productive.

Introspective: 4:20 No More

Most of my good friends know that I am a bit of a pot lover (meaning Marijuana). I love a good smoke like most love a good stiff drink. I’d rather smoke in the privacy of my home than sit in a bar and be ignored by hipsters. Alas, as of this month my Medical Marijuana card will expire and I will no longer have easy access to one of my favorite past times. Trying to save up for a wedding is…a bit costly. In hopes of trying to act like a better adult I’ve decided to let go of one of my vices. Mostly because I can’t afford it any more.

My fiance and I have made a lot of sacrifices over the last year in preparation for our big wedding. We no longer buy too many groceries and let them go to waste rotting in our fridge. We’ve started saving a good chunk of money to establish a savings account, and prepare for our honeymoon and wedding expenses. We finally put in a subscription order at our local comic book shop in hopes of not spending frivolously when we happen to stop by once a month. Trust me, that’s an improvement. Last, but not least I am not renewing my Medical Marijuana card.

Since I’ve spent the last few months trying to stay out of the house and writing more consistently (while doing serious wedding planning) I have fewer opportunities to smoke. I’m not complaining, but I have come to realize that I used it as a crutch for a long time. Stressed at work. Smoke. Complaints about family. Smoke. Frustrated with friends. Smoke. I smoked like an alcoholic drank. I was okay with that…for a while. It was my vice. I still paid all my bills on time. Never missed a day of work, and am actually a workaholic. I have never, in my life, gone to work while stoned. Ever. I hid this habit from co-workers and new friends for fear I’d be judged and labeled a “stoner.” I wanted my work to speak for itself. I’d spent the last five years, or more, delving further and further into this closeted existence.

I use to smoke before doing arts and craft projects. I completed this Wine Cork Trivet while stoned!

Almost a year ago I decided I didn’t want to live like that any more and became (slightly) more open with friends and family about my vice. There was a lot of drama in the headlines regarding Medical Marijuana legislation, the legality of medical cards, collectives, and dispensaries being close to parks and schools in certain neighborhoods. I took it personally. I’m a proponent of personal freedoms like any other common sense American: Pro-Choice, Pro-Gay Marriage, Immigration Reform, and Medical Marijuana. The reason I began smoking was due to my chronic migraines, (WARNING TMI!) severe and crippling menstrual cramps, and being diagnosed with carpal tunnel all at the age of 25. Over the years, and with access to medical insurance, I’ve gained control of my mental and physical health. It took a lot of time and patience to get where I am today, and it was never an easy road to take.

I occasionally get migraines. I still suffer from back-breaking menstrual cramps. I manage my carpal tunnel better than I use to. Medical Marijuana helped me gain control of my health…over time. It wasn’t the only answer to my problems, but it did help me take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy a moment of happiness. I was an over-worked, stressed out, and manic girl riddled with issues. I’m still struggling with some of them to this day. However, sitting down and hitting a joint with a few good friends reminds me that my life could be a lot worse. I’m grateful I experienced those moments in life, and thankful that I found something that allowed me to appreciate what I have in life: love. Once I started smoking marijuana I quit smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, and started eating healthier (not all the time, of course) and drinking water instead of soda and other sugary drinks. Marijuana allowed me to reflect on my life without freaking out about it. I still have a lot to learn about life, but one thing I’m always happy about is knowing who I am, how far I’ve come, and how much I have left to live for. I’ll still occasionally treat myself to a smoke here and there, but I’m no longer going to depend on any type of drug to make me feel better about myself.

Here’s to adulthood! For however long it lasts. 🙂

Epic Journey: Defective Geeks Interlude

Hola!

I’ve been a bit…distracted this last week. Working on a piece for The Defective Geeks, in full wedding planning mode, and trying to work out some business on the side that will hopefully improve my financial prospects. Yay for productivity!

On the flip side, I haven’t had much time with my thoughts to keep the blog going. 😦

I’ve had some guest list drama, family drama, and honeymoon planning drama in just the last week. Bleh. I’ve been venting on the Offbeat Bride Tribe section so I can keep the drama to a minimum and not get people involved in my bullshit. 🙂

HOWEVER, the real reason for this post is to let my lovely followers and fellow bloggers know that last night I was excited to finally record and appear on the next Defective Geeks podcast!! YAY! {insert pic of me dancing up and down} The episode will be up on their website by tomorrow. We talk Vampires, Zombies, vampire fiction/literature, and life lessons while having a few drinks at one of my favorite local places Alex’s Bar.

My evil plans of taking over the podcast are starting to become revealed….MUAHAHAHAHA! *cough* I’m gonna go finish my writing and wedding planning now. 🙂

Until next week!

Epic Journey: Photographer Choices

FINALLY! The piece I’ve been trying to get done for a few weeks…choosing our photographer. I almost added it to my last post, but decided it is long enough be a separate post. Enjoy!

Photographer Required

Selecting a photographer was as stressful as deciding on the venue. We were fortunate to have the venue locked in over a year in advance. Once January 2013 hit the pressure was on to interview and select a photographer. We felt our budget was set, and were already having issues coming up with the money due to family drama. Every time I looked into possible photographers I would get anxiety when looking at their package pricing. I had an idea of what I was looking for in a photographer, but just looking at their websites didn’t really give me a good sense of who or what they are about.

While waiting for me to get off of work my fiance had a few drinks at a local wine bar and started chatting with one of the girls who worked there about our wedding. Turns our she’s a wedding photographer! I had already begun making appointments with other photographers and then added her to our list of people to interview. Within a few days we had three interviews set up for the following week and got to meet them (2 out of 3, one flaked on us) and check out their portfolios in person while chatting about pricing, packages, and extras. Turns out the gal from the wine bar was a perfect fit! Even if she was almost double what our original budget was.

A small Thank You gift we received after signing our contract with Sposto.

We figured that our wedding photos are gonna last forever, why not invest in someone who is a professional and is flexible enough to give us what we were looking for:

1. Payment Plan: So we don’t have to pay everything up front.
2. Add/Subtract Items: For A La Carte extras, like photo albums.
3. Offers ALL DAY coverage for no added cost!

The last item was a BIG deal for us if we were going to invest in someone who was originally out of our price range. A lot of photographers offer 4,6, or even 8 hours of coverage on the day-of, and then charge extra for additional hours and staff. Since our ceremony and reception are at the same location and we have the venue until midnight we wanted to make sure we had someone who would also be able to photograph everything. We especially wanted someone who could be with my fiance and his groomsmen, while someone else is with myself and the bridesmaids at the same time taking photographs of everyone getting ready. We discussed doing “First Look” photos of us seeing each other before the ceremony, on-site at the venue. Planning a timeline for the day-of was getting longer and longer, and by the time we met with our chosen photographer I knew exactly what we were willing to compromise on, and what we didn’t want to waste time and money on (i.e. engagement photo session). The other big advantage to finding someone from the local business community was getting an additional discount on our Thank You cards. She offered to help design and print our Thank You cards at no additional cost as a “4th Street Discount” because my fiance and I both work locally as well. How awesome and sweet is that?!

The final item that impressed me is their photo albums. Originally I had been against getting photo albums (not enough funds), and during our initial interview they showed us these beautiful photo albums with the most amazing binding and layout design I had ever seen!! I’m a big stationary and paper geek (hence doing all the DIY invitations and stuff), and was surprised at how much I loved their albums. When they then offered to substitute the cost of the engagement session for possible photo albums on the back-end I was ready to give her a deposit right then and there! The pragmatist in me waited 24-48 hours before finalizing our decision, of course, because we still had to decide how we were going to come up with the rest of the money to pay for their services. Due to their awesome payment plan we still have time to save up, and hit up other family members, for the rest of the money for our chosen photographer.

We’ve been fortunate to have a very generous and loving family who are helping us with financing the wedding, photographers, venue, and some odds and ends. There are always stressful budgeting and financial questions that come in to play when planning a wedding of any size and scale. Take a deep breath and try not to freak out. 🙂

Until next week!

Epic Journey: DIY Wedding Invitations

Two posts in one week! What the what?!

I’ve hit a rut trying to come up with a fun piece for my friends at Defective Geeks this last week, and between finishing and mailing the wedding invitations and my Mother-In-Law not being a fan of anything that is dear to my heart, I thought I might try to distract myself with another piece about the wedding.

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Crafting Issues

Last week with the help of many of my dear friends we were able to finish assembling the wedding invitations and now I’m starting to number and add postage to all the designated envelopes. However, we did hit a few bumps along the way during our crafting sessions.

Before my friends showed up to help I had out all the bands that wrap the invites. I then realized they looked a little plain and made the decision to add a decorative stamp to all of them. After I had cut them all out! *face palm* I made a lot of last-minute changes to the invite that I felt made it look a little…prettier and textured. I also decided to add the same decorative stamp to the pockets (that I already cut out and made by hand!), and to the flap of the envelopes. Yay! More work. 🙂 Luckily I had a lot of awesome and patient helpers who were much faster than I was at stamping all the crap we had to put together.

After all the stamping I found another small issue: the inserts were slightly too big for the pockets. *second face palm* I had to go back and trim the edges of all the inserts to ensure they would properly fit in the pockets. Deep breath. Patience. And a lot of DVR episodes to help me keep my calm while doing monotonous paper cutting. Fortunately, I had purchased a fancy paper trimmer from Costco a while back and was prepared for this type paper challenge. Silver linings.

There were a few more issues (not big enough to have a panic attack over), but I still had a mini-meltdown mid-week and just tried to reassure myself that not everything needs to “look perfect.” Part of the charm of our handmade invitations is that they are just that: handmade. Sure the embossed stamp is a little smudged on some of the invites. So what if the inserts aren’t totally trimmed properly. I had to adopt a mantra of “It Will Be Okay” to get through the week and prevent myself from becoming a Bridezilla. This is also where having awesome and understanding friends let me commiserate about the issues I encountered came in handy. I LOVE MY FRIENDS!! They understand my neurotic tendencies and helped me calm the fuck down and just get shit done. 🙂

The last item, which I was partially prepared for, was the postage. Most wedding invitations have multiple decorative stamps to cover the postage costs of sending heavy custom stationary. I recently took my lovely finished invite, envelope and all, to weigh it and make sure we had enough. Nope. It was exactly .1 oz over the minimum for the invites to require only a First Class stamp. DAMMIT! It’s cool. All the extra 20 cent stamps I bought will be used for my new pen pal from the International Geek Girl Pen Pal Club! 🙂

Instead of going to WonderCon this weekend with my fiance and friends {insert pic of me crying while all alone}, I’ll be at home drinking a bottle of wine and trying not to spill it all over my wedding invitations as I slowly number and stamp them all. 🙂

Enjoy your weekend!

Drunk-a-versary!

As of midnight January 20th it is our 6 year Anniversary! We have officially renamed our original anniversary since we will start celebrating our new anniversary after the wedding.

We thought Drunk-a-versary was the most appropriate since we only drink our nice bottle of Scotch when we have awesome things to celebrate. 🙂

Until the next (drunk!) post!

My Fandom and Long Beach Collide

One of the MANY scenes of him driving, but this one is a few blocks from my home!

It’s no secret I’m addicted, possibly in love, with watching TV shows on my fancy DVR at home in between procrastinating on my wedding planning. More recently I’ve become infatuated with spotting places filmed in my current home town of Long Beach, CA on Showtime’s Dexter and HBO’s True Blood.  I grew up in Los Angeles and watched film crews invade my old neighborhood from time to time, and I revel in it every single time! I use to work in Downtown Los Angeles during college and I would sneak out of the office to watch film crews and their trailers take over the vacant business district on the weekends, and try to spot a celebrity in between takes. This is why it’s so thrilling to recognize all those places I walk or drive by daily in a city I consider my second home, Long Beach. I annoy my fiancé and roommate all the time with my pointy finger wagging at the television saying where the scene was filmed in Los Angeles or Long Beach at least once a week.

Alcide is my current favorite character on True Blood…cause he’s handsome.

My longtime fan girl weakness is vampire fiction and movies, and at first I was not a fan of True Blood, but the show really sucked me in after a while (vampire pun!) and it’s a guilty pleasure of mine, even if I still hate Sookie Stackhouse (don’t hate me!). Every time I witness a scene from True Blood that takes place just outside Fangtasia (the show’s local vampire bar) all I see is a local drinking hole named Alex’s Bar. A promo for the show was filmed outside the bar and you see people are protesting Vampires with cardboard signs, then Jessica suddenly appears walking out of the bar and pushing her way right through the crowd seething in anger and all I can do while I watch this promo is talk at the television and say, “I use to drink at that bar! I puked 10 feet from that alley on my way home one night!” My friends and I use to live walking distance from Alex’s Bar while in college, and consider it one of our top 4 favorite Long Beach bars.  The other element of Alex’s Bar that makes me giddy is when I see it filmed, or copied,  is the decor of the bar. The entrance is slightly hidden from street view and once you enter from the small parking lot near an alley you see red walls from floor to ceiling, dim and red lighting, a shelf behind the bar with an array of alcohol choices, and wide open space. I fell in love with the bar because I loved the dark environment and bright red coloring (my favorite color!). Alex’s Bar has the mysterious vibe that I love and still cherish, with or without the Vampires. Just like the characters on True Blood I long to have a drink of my favorite poison, and brood in the corner while I complain about how much life sucks. 🙂 I prefer a vodka cranberry as my drink of choice, of course.

On the other spectrum Dexter is a lot harder to watch quietly with me in the room since I am constantly bombarded by scenes filmed near my house! There is always at least one scene where Dexter is on the phone, while driving, and he’s lying to someone about what he’s doing and where he’s going while cruising down Ocean Boulevard or somewhere near Naples and Belmont Shore. When they decide to show the Miami Metro Police station I notice it looks awfully like the condo buildings near the Marina and Naples. In a previous season Dexter is following a prospective target and follows them into a parking garage near the Long Beach Convention Center and I spent the entire 15 minute scene rewinding and fast forwarding pointing out all of the other local buildings I could recognize. I get a bit obsessive with my DVR features.  I’m not great at remembering an episode name or season, but I’ll always remember when a scene is filmed anywhere near recognizable landmarks in Long Beach or Downtown Los Angeles. I almost fainted with delight when I noticed the corner of Alamitos and Ocean Boulevard while Dexter was (of course!) driving by the neighborhood on his way to satisfy his “Dark Passenger.”

I relish the small moments of spotting local spots, but it also wears on my friends’ patience. Some people like to get lost in the fantasy of the TV shows, and to hear that Dexter isn’t filmed in Miami is a disappointment to some. They do show clips of the familiar streets of Miami and the skyline from time to time in the episodes, but secretly I’m talking to myself saying, “That’s just stock footage.” Just like in theatre, appearance is everything. I think it’s amazing that they’re able to smoothly transition scenes, blur the skyline in the background when Dexter is dumping bodies off the coast near Long Beach, crop scenes so you can’t see they’re chatting in Shoreline Village, and make sure the audience is totally focused on the plot line (or for some blood and skimpy clothing) and sold on the show in front of them. Growing up with Hollywood in my back yard has helped me appreciate how many magical moments in movies and television are filmed within arm’s reach of my home. Even if I wasn’t part of creating that moment I can at least take pride in how awesome it is where I live, and a place I like to call “Home.”

This post was brought to you by The Defective Geeks!