I sit here impatiently trying to kill time before my friends arrive for a small get together at our home. This will be their first time visiting. I am here fidgeting. I felt watching Mad Men would kill enough time for me to start dinner late, instead of it being finished before they got here. I now realize the opposite it true. All I can do is fidget.
Why am I home, killing time, before I start dinner? Today is my day off. Usually, I have too many things planned, or errands to run, maybe a bill or two to pay. Nope. Bills are scheduled to be paid, on time, I finished all my errands (even got a haircut!), and everyone else is working or busy. This is one of the few things that can bug me incessantly during my weekdays off. Almost everyone else has something planned, or is at least out of the house running around. The main reason I am trying not to whisk across town is money. I see no issue with spending money to feed people I welcome in to my home. However, I can’t bring myself to go outdoors and spend time, money on gas, food, and time on window shopping.
Then again, I can give myself anxiety for just about anything. I think too much. Incessantly, about inconsequential items. This is why I smoke. It’s not the healthiest option, but I prefer it to traditional medications. I feel everyone needs a vice, be it video games, drinking, bad driving, or smoking.
Update: blog was abandoned mid-post due to dinner guests arriving. The dinner was a success and it was nice to be distracted from my anxiety.